20110730

Even If It's Hell


I saw her before she saw me, to avoid any embarrassment on my part, I willingly avoided to cross road with her. And it hurts like hell to deny myself from looking into her beautiful auburn eyes and glimpse at her sweet smile. But even if my heart breaks into pieces I need to deny myself of ever seeing her again. This will be painful, but forgetting an unrequited love is always painful.

Always painful....  So instead of tracing the concrete path going to the Engineering Building and out through the Sta. Cruz gate, I took a little detour to my right, braving the muddy road going to the PPA office, till I was sure enough that I have left her shadow a few meters behind, I took the concrete path again stalking the sari-sari stores just beyond the Sta. Cruz gate. I bought a bar of chocolate to satiate my rumbling stomach, a bar of chocolate to ease the bitterness lingering in my mouth. Then my mind went into an automatic shut-down, a black out that lasted a minute, a minute where I unknowingly shed a single tear. Then I whispered to no one in particular (but my heart heavily hinted that the whisper was only for her) "What ever happens, I will always love you".

Restoring my rigid composure and drying my face with my hand, I went back inside the gates of Ateneo, expecting that she's already gone beyond my sight but the god above is playing with me and my rigid feelings. A few meters in front of me, there she stand, walking unknowingly towards me, but she never noticed me, she was talking to a friend, rather animatedly. Thanking my fortuitous luck, I dodge toward my right walking towards her with only the bulletin board to separate us. I love her, but my madness has to have end somehow. Even if it hurts. Even if it's hell.

07/30/11